Daily Absurdities

Lights at the Melbourne visitor center. Was listening to Radiohead’s “How I made My Millions” while I walked by this, so I thought, why not?

Melbourne Visitor Center from URL Venture on Vimeo.

This movie really got under my skin. It was bad yes, but even worse, they made some errors and ommissions that really alienated a lot of terminator purists.  Let’s go: 

1) I know you’re trying to add the element of surprise that SW is a robot, but you can’t just make him a weakling early in the movie and the Incredible Hulk later in the movie. If he’s a robot, I’m pretty sure he would be annihilating human combatants early in the film, since he was basically handing it to Arnold late in the film. 

2) He was the most advanced robot Skynet had created, and he was made in 2003. He infiltrated the human camps the way Arnold never could and was able to endear himself to John Connor. You’re telling me it took the machines an extra 15 years to develop Arnold, a less advanced hulking robot who any idiot could spot walking down the street a mile away? If they were able to make a Haley Joel Osment-style robot who could act like a human, why make a body builder roid rage robot who acted like a machine to go back in time? 

3) “The T-800 is the most advanced killing machine blah blah blah”. Oh yeah? Is that why every time he tries to kill a human he walks up and just throws him across a room 20 times? Is that really the most effective way to get rid of someone if you have the strength of like 200 dudes? Just toss him around for 5 minutes? Why not pop his head off? If you’re directing this film, why even get into scenes like that? You’ll never be able to make it plausible. 

Not to mention that you could practically see the film being filmed as if you were on the set. Bad direction, bad script, and an under-utilization of a quality actor in Sam Worthington.

Pics from Thursday out with Melbourne friends. Had my first Italian Food in ages. 

and later on a friendly game…

Not really though. Just another example of some of the shameless advertising you see here. People are also allowed to flip the bird in newspapers, ads.

Kind of fuzzy because I was shaking from the excitement of being in Australia. Some friends of mine were kind enough to send a driver to pick us up. Our first stop?

Then it was to the hotel for 12 hours of sleep. So far so good in Melbourne. 

We hired a driver for the day yesterday and took a safari in the land of the giants. I’ve never gotten this close to elephants, so seeing them pee all over the place and climb on each other right next to me was a treat. 

We also got to hang out with some ele-babies, which was pretty neat. Naturally the conversation followed, “do you think you could beat an elephant baby in a fight”. After hearing one of those litter buggers trumpet, I’m pretty sure not. Ladies, be thankful you’re human. Squeezing one of those lil’ guys out doesn’t look fun. 

Other glimpses of dogs steering mopeds and sometimes a great newspaper.

We hung out with the monkeys yesterday in Ubud. We had to get out of Kuta, the street vendors and the ueber-annoying guys wh0 stand on the side of the road and say the same thing while making a wheel/driving gesture (”boss, transport?”) then insulting you when you ignore them, was getting old. About the only cool thing about Kuta is the beach and our air-conditioned room. 

So we’re walking into this monkey jungle and I buy a bushel of bananas for $1 and suddenly this tribe of monkeys comes flying out of nowhere to get a piece of Jakob. One pulls at my shorts, another looks like he’s about to go for my head. I discard the bananas at a safe distance and keep walking. A lesser soul would have shrieked in terror. 

The rest of the walk through the forest was great. Monkeys crawling all over ancient ruins and temples was like something out of “Congo”. I could have watched them all day. We even ran into a puppy that had been adopted by the little primates. They ran and played, pulled his little tail, and humped him with glee. 

We capped it off with an amazing dinner in a little forest restaurant. My dish (below) was about $5. 

This week’s installment comes from numerous observations of travel habits. From airplanes to hotels to airports to travel partners to cab stands. 

The renaissance man of old focused on high quality luggage, and a lot of it. One did not want to be caught off guard by a sudden drizzle, or a surprise trip to the beach. Today’s industrious traveler does things a bit differently. With the advent of multi-use rain coats, more stylish swimming shorts, and shoes that cover more than one purpose, we see streamlined packing on the rise. And with the increase in prices and emissions (the renassiance man is both frugal and an environmentalist) the timing could not be better. Let’s dive in. 

I’ll start where I should end. The final goal of the seasoned traveler is to have his set of destinations narrowed down to the point where his articles are waiting for him, so he need only get into a towncar or cab in the morning, hop onto a plane with a small carryall or laptop bag, and arrive anywhere in the world fully prepared. There are a few options for this. Let’s say your static destinations are Rome, Tokyo, New York, and Seattle. If you have hotels that you frequent in these destinations, then you may arrange with the manager to keep a small duffle of clothing in their holding room. This generally consists of the basics: underwear (incl. socks, shirts), buttoned shirts, polo shirt, trousers/shorts, jeans, suit, and 2 pair shoes (dress, casual). 

The second option is buying homes, villas, or apartments in these locations. So this should be for the very seasoned traveler. Possibly the seasoned CEO as well. 

In the meantime, until you’ve established good relationships with hotels, packing your own bag should be the focus. We’re still under the impression that we need a great deal of clothing when we travel and that we’re going to wear all of it. Did you know that, in an overnight bag or suitcase, both men and women can fit no fewer than three outfits? True. 

Warm weather and cold weather requirements are different, but only in terms of coats.  If you must pack a coat for colder elements, pack a thinner coat. Here is why: no matter where you are going, you can find stylish layers and accoutrements that will do the rest of the job of keeping you warm, all totaling less than a bar tab. You think you you’re being wasteful by buying destination clothing? Why did you order the lox last night then? 

Your shoes are vitally important. Some casual shoes can double with certain dressy outfits, and will fit for most others as well. As a general rule, pack one pair of shoes you consider to be stylish and one pair of shoes for utility (cold weather or running, for example). Do NOT pack sandals or flip-flops. Let me assure you that they will waste space, stress you out, and only cost a few dollars in warm locations. For example, a week in Phuket: bring nothing but 2 pair shorts, bathing suit (multiple for women, they are small), 1 pair utility shoes (your choice), and undergarments. The rest you can most assuredly purchase there, or wear much less if you’re secure. 

You should never arrive at the airport with more than one checked bag and one carry-on, (3 days or more of travel). Ideally you don’t check bags at all. 

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Once you’re comfortable with your minimalist packing skills, then it’s time to acquaint yourself with timing. As a rule, you should never find yourself waiting longer than 20 minutes to board a flight. When you’ve traveled enough, you’ll begin to look at planes the same way you look at busses. We all know how to catch a bus, so we don’t arrive at the stop 2 hours before it arrives to ensure we catch it. The same goes with planes. Obviously factoring in ticket lines (which you should avoid by being loyal to airlines), security (again, avoid these by qualifying by frequent traveler security checks in the US), and sluggish rookies, you shouldn’t be sitting in a lobby longer than 20 minutes while your aircraft is prepared. This is time you could have been with your family or sleeping. 

You work on the internet, one way or another, you do. Make sure that you have an unlimited data package on your phone or an air card for your computer. This is essential and you’ll be thankful during layovers and waits. 

More on this topic coming. It will be among the most important in the renaissance series.

The power went out on our island again (different island this time) as a result of the most torrential downpour I’ve ever seen. As the lights went out we looked around, and then I saw them; those beautiful golden arches just sitting there, dark and silent in the pounding rain. 

Suddenly one of the arches flickered, then the other, and after  a few seconds their majestic splendor beamed down upon the streets of the Kuta neighborhood. People gathered ’round and cheered as American commercial might proved itself once again. 

You might be able to shut down the power on an entire island, but people will always get their Big Macs. God Bless Us, each and every one.

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